From: The Hometown News
Articles by Justice Richard C. Authier
The Sisters Perpetual
Every family has them. They attack gradually, beginning with a little comment then escalating as they wedding day approaches. No one is safe regardless of: race; religion; or (here in Massachusetts especially) sexual orientation. They are your mothers, grandmothers, aunts and/or their male equivalent. Prior to the wedding they have been sweet, lovable people, But now they are they have a purpose and that purpose is to follow tried and true traditions. Or worse yet, that you must have the wedding that they never had.
It is Our Lady of Perpetual Manipulation and her sisters!
As soon as the initial congratulations, hugs, tears and kisses are over with the announcement of your impending marriage, it creates a chemical reaction in the sisters that changes them completely. It starts right away with the first question. Not how did he ask you, not where did he ask but: When is the wedding? If you say summer, it is too hot. Winter is too cold and the manipulation begin.. It does not take the intelligent couple long to realize that they are being lead to having the wedding that OLoPM has always wanted (for herself.)
Finances plays perhaps the biggest part of any wedding. Just because parents may be paying for it, the couple will have to do whatever is demanded. This is not as true anymore; many couple now pay ftheir own wedding expenses. Maybe probably do so in order to avoid the OLoPM situation Good idea, but it still does not work.
Your wedding plans have usually escalated by the second month. The "Guest List" being the major source of contention. Everyone must be invited but costs must be maintained. If you invite that second cousin that you grew up with, went to school with and have been best friends with, then you mut invite all of the rest of the second cousins and their families, that you don't even know. Your "Guest List" would increase dramatically. OLoPM has struck again.
When a couple starts to complain that things are getting out of hand OLoPM and her sister, Our Lady of Perpetual Traditions are the basis for their decisions. They inform you that people will be hurt if not invited and, anyway, this is the way that this family has always done things. OLoPM and OLPT have now introduced you to another sister in one sentence, Our Lady of Perpetual Guilt.
Let's talk about traditions for a moment. Granted that Our Lady of Perpetual Tradition has a place in your wedding, but some things just have to be re-evaluated. Since when has the "Chicken Dance", the "Dollar Dance" as well as the "Hokie Pokie" been considered a tradition? Even "Proud Mary" could use a walker by now. "Chicken Dance: and the "Hokie Pokie" were Kindergarten exercises and the "Dollar Dance" is an embarassment to all educated women.
How does the engaged couple fight these sisters? In many cases, they don't accept it and somehow get through it. Family members may never speak to them again. I really do not blame that woman who had over 400 guests and 14 bridesmaids from running away. But their are ways to make things easier and actually have the wedding you want even with the Sisters.
Make sure that you and your fiancé(e) know exactly what you want for a wedding. Then discuss what the family would expect from you. Decided what you both can live with and what you absolutely want no part of. Attend a family wedding on both sides, if possible, because what you see is what the Sisters in that family expects for you.
Use diplomacy. If you do not want the traditional bouquet and garter toss, have all the married couples go up on the dance floor. Have you DJ increasingly call out increasing years of marriage and anyone under than many years must leave the dance floor, leaving the final couple standing. That couple gets the bouquet and the garter. Now how do you get that across to the Sister Manipulation, Guilt and Tradition? Explain that perhaps it will be Great Grandma and Grandpa who have been married the longest, maybe even one of them. Now wouldn't that be an honor!
Avoid an argument, Our Ladies of Perpetual Manipulation, Guilt and Tradion do not see that they are giving you the wedding that they want. They forget that they did not get the wedding thatthey wanted either. Arguments will only increase stress levels that are already bad enough as it is. Remember that the Sisters are really thinking of what is best for you. They really mean well. They do love you!
Now if all of this fails, my recommendation is very simple, get everybody mad and.........
Elope
Artlicle II
The wedding rehearsal.
With so much left to be done on the night before your wedding, a rehearsal is probably one of the last things that a couple wants to do. I do not reccommend a rehearsal for every couple I meet. Some just have things so togehter that it is not necessary. Others, however, need several weeks of rehearsal an even that may not be enough.
So, let's assume that for comfort sake, the couples wants a rehearsal. What should the couple prepare for?
Finances, once more, play a part in the rehearsal. A Justice of the Peace will charge a couple for a rehearsal. Rehearsal fees are not regulated by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, therefore, they can be; a flat fee; hourly; or at the discretion of the Justice of the Peace. Always ask what the fee is and be preparred to pay it at the time requested.
The most common complaint that I hear is: "Why does a JP charge so much for a rehearsal?" It is a fair question and deserves to be answered. A good Justice of the Peace has scheduled their time and may be missing booking an other wedding in order to conduct a rehearsal. The work involved in the rehearsal is more than most people relaize. The Justice must keep the couple comfortable and relaxed, get everyone to go through their paces and possibly repeat the steps many times while maintaining a pleasant atmoshpere. You attendants are looking forward to partying that night and are not too interested in rehearsing. So maintianing control, giving advice and calming the nervouse couple can be quite challenging. A Justice must also adjust the area in which the ceremony will take place, assist the Bride with suggestions as to where the attendants should stand, and the bridesmaid, who forgets it is not her wedding, demanding that she be placed in a position of prominence. It can be all a bit overwhelming. I will admit that nothing tires me out as much as a wedding rehearsal.
Invariably, after everyone has gone through all of their steps and are familiar with all of their duties, the latecomer arrives. The Bride normally will get all excited and demand that we go through the rites all over again. I have had to start charging by the hour for a rehearsal after having run into a several three (3) hour rehearsals.
What can a couple do to ease the stress on everone the night before the wedding?
- Set up a realistic rehearsal time. If the majority of the people involved in your wedding party work until 5:00 PM a 5:30 rehearsal is not very feasible. Try 6:00 or even 7:00 PM
- Make sure you advise your attendants and family members that the rehearsal will start at the set time. Blame the JP and say that you are being charged by the hour. Don't worry, we can handle the stress.
- Only one (1) person can run the rehearsal. The Justice of the Peace is the professional to do this. If you have a Wedding coordinator, let them work together, but only one (1) person speaks, All questions should therefore be directed to the Justice of the Peace.
- Have the Marriage License and the fees available at the rehearsal. Remember that the solemnization of a wedding cannot happen without a Marriage License.
This may all sound very strict but it really isn't. A good Justice of the Peace will bring humor to the situation, offer valuable suggestions and put everyone at ease. This is also the perfect time to see your Justice of the Peace in his/her element. If you do not like the style or attitude of the JP at this rehearsal, it is still not too late to replace the JPz(. www.mjpa.org has a list of JP's available.) Remember that this is your wedding, the Justice of the Peace is there to serve you. Your requests should be met with willing acceptance
Congratulatons and take the time to enjoy your own wedding